Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
