That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
