making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
