How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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