We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize