i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
