Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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