I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
