I think im going to throw up on grandma
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize