Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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