Please, let me fuck your mom
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sobbing to NWA
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
