Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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