I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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