these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Green mimosas i think yes
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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