i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
