I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize