listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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