My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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