DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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