i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
