I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
