my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
