I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
