Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
