I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
