My hand turned me down
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
