my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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