its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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