My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
