is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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