Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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