eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You're like the curious george of whores
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
