The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
