imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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