He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
