I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
