That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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