what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
