Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
