We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
