In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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