dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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