i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize