Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize