Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
