I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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