Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
