One girl and one boy is just not enough.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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