Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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