They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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