We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize