I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
