There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
