I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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