Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
