my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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