drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
