Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
