Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize