i don't like sucking hair
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize