so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
