Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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