Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize