don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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