is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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