Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
