My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
