Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
