I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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