My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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