My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
