i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
